i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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