Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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