my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
