apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
