mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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