Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
