Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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