I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
