shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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