belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want a musical about memes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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