If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
