mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
