i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
