Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
