She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
