she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
