do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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