I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
