but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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