Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
We're facebook friends in real life
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
