There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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