He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
