yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
