We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
