Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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