would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
