Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize