Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
