Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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