is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
