508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
