Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
