sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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