Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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