1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
