It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
