What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Randomize
