So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
