It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
