I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
