His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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