I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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