I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There's always time for handjobs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
