I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
