Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
