Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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