Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
