Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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