These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
