i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
